i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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