cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
