she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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