Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
