Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
