I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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