her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
