She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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