Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
