My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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