does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize