I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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