If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
how drunk are you?
Several
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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