his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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