He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
