sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
