I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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