Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
