so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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