I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
His hands were made for my vagina.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
