I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
