I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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