i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
