i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
