Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
