just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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