I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
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I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
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I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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