Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
