the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
