when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
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He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
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She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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