So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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