new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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