i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He passed out mid-signature
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
