cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
