quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
