She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
