I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dear god my vagina.
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