so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
