Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
