I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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