I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
