I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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