I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
