when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
