I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
