You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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