then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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