I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
