it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
