before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You made out with two different species that night
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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