Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
