when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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