I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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