And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
