Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Your penis caused this!
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