Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
