I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
