He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
