First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
