He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
