I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
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Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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