oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Come on in and take your pants off
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